It Starts with Us: Moving Forward on November 6

It’s no secret we are a divided nation. While we have always had differing viewpoints, the current climate has intensified to the point where opposing views are often seen as not just wrong, but inherently evil. This mindset has led to a rise in hostility, where we belittle and mistreat those who disagree with us. We take the nasty way we treat each other online, and say it out loud. The good news is that we can change course and end it, but it starts with us.

A series of events has come together like a perfect storm, bringing us to where we are today.

Although we often claim to dislike negative campaigning, political consultants assure us that it’s effective. It drives donations, energizes volunteers, and boosts voter turnout, which is why both sides continue to do it. The focus shifts from discussing real issues to simply attacking the opponent. Today, there’s a whole industry of political professionals —consultants, strategists, media experts, and campaign finance advisors—who are well-paid to win elections and rely on these strategies that have proven successful.

Political parties have grown increasingly disconnected from the people they are supposed to represent, and they’ve worked to stifle competition by enacting laws that make it harder for new parties and candidates to access the ballot. David Broder, in his book The Party’s Over, said, “The governmental system is not working because the political parties are not working.” Our political process is supposed to be participatory with a free exchange of ideas. All voices should be heard, but now the loudest voices come from generously funded marketing campaigns. With transparency at an all-time low and voter turnout dwindling, many citizens remain unaware of laws that impact them or their businesses until after they are passed. Laws continue to make it increasingly difficult to run for office, and in New York, we are the only voters in the nation limited to just two presidential candidates due to these restrictive regulations. New York Worst in Nation for Voter Choice, Ballot Access News (October 1, 2024.)

Social media has drastically transformed both our society and our politics. Many of us no longer read newspapers or watch the news, relying instead on bite-sized social media updates that offer little to no context. Complex issues, like centuries of Middle Eastern history and conflict, are reduced to a headline like “Children in Gaza are killed in Israeli strike,” leaving us with a superficial understanding and narrow perspective. Social media has turned us into self-proclaimed “experts.” A neighbor’s take on a proposed law now carries as much weight as an attorney’s informed analysis. Much of what we see online is either false or exaggerated, designed to sway votes rather than inform the public.

The landscape of traditional media has dramatically shifted. While a few journalists remain, much of what we see today is opinion-driven commentary rather than objective reporting. Journalism, at its core, involves presenting facts without bias, but that’s no longer the standard. Today’s media often chase sensational sound bites and personal fame. For about thirty years, I worked as an attorney for a legislative body that had a standout local reporter. She thoroughly researched issues, interviewed voices from both sides, and never simply regurgitated press releases. Her dedication took her from local reporting to covering the state legislature, eventually leading her to host her own statewide political show. The reporter who followed her was also talented, but the rise of social media transformed the nature of the job. News had to be posted instantly on platforms like Twitter, often before proper research was completed or a full story could be written. The decline accelerated when our local newspaper was bought by a national conglomerate. Political influence seeped in, and stories were pulled if they didn't favor certain individuals.

When that reporter left, the paper hired a young, inexperienced journalist fresh out of college. Financial struggles meant they could no longer afford seasoned professionals. Her reporting quickly devolved into little more than reworked press releases, with much of her attention focused on tweeting from meetings. One particular tweet, where she commented on how "cute" the mayor’s new chief of staff was, marked the final straw for me. Her reporting bore no resemblance to what actually occurred in those meetings, simply because she didn’t grasp the issues being discussed. This, sadly, is the state of media today.

We've become accustomed to tolerating bad behavior due to a fear of offending others. Terms like racist, homophobe, misogynist, fascist, or even Nazi are often used too casually, which is particularly disrespectful to those who have experienced discrimination or suffered under the actual Nazi regime. Encouraging emotional outbursts like crying after elections or seeking therapy over political outcomes is not helpful. The media often manipulates people into believing their personal safety is at risk because of an election. While protesting is a protected right, demonstrations that escalate into rioting, looting, property destruction, or threats to others are not peaceful and are not what the First Amendment safeguards.

It may sound bleak, but it doesn't have to be. I want to share an inspiring passage by Peggy Noonan from The Wall Street Journal (October 12, 2024): “We did something nobody ever tried before, to fill a continent with people from every country in the world, and ask them to come, build something, get along, and invent an arrangement of rules and rights by which they could operate together. It produced a dazzling, strange and gifted nation, a freak show, and a fabulous one. To read our history is to say, ‘We got through that.’ We’ve got through a lot. Whatever’s coming, immediately and further out, we’ll likely get through that, too.” This passage captures the resilience and unique spirit of our nation, reminding us that we've faced challenges before and emerged stronger. There's every reason to believe we'll do the same again. How do we get there?

We need to become more adept at thinking critically and evaluating information for ourselves. If you hear something that seems exaggerated—such as claims that a candidate will imprison half the country if they win—take a moment to question it. Ask yourself: Is this person trying to gain attention or followers on social media? What evidence are they presenting? What does history tell us? It can be challenging to discern what's true in today’s information overload, but acknowledging that misinformation exists on both sides is the first step toward navigating it more thoughtfully. Remember that some people will believe what you say as fact even when you know you are embellishing your commentary. Repeating overstated fears creates a cycle that increases the likelihood of violence.

Recognize the immense potential of social media to manipulate your perceptions. The FBI has warned that foreign governments are actively conducting disinformation campaigns within our country through social media—spreading both false information and selectively framing true information to damage certain candidates. Don't fall for it. Stay informed and think critically to see through these tactics. Be smarter than the manipulation.

Don’t assume someone else’s motives. In most cases, we all want similar outcomes, but our life experiences shape how we believe we can achieve them. Recently, I spoke with two friends—one very liberal, the other very conservative—who both expressed concerns about the same issues: crime, immigration, and international threats. Despite their shared worries, each was convinced their preferred candidate had the best solutions and what the other was saying couldn’t possibly be true. When we dug deeper, it became clear that they were consuming news from vastly different sources, some of which framed issues differently or left out key information altogether. They both sought moral and just outcomes but were operating from entirely different sets of facts.

Tim Shriver, the creator of the Dignity Index (https://www.dignity.us) addresses how we engage with one another in political discourse. He explains, “The contempt strategy demands that you look down on the other side, make fun of them, call them names, question their motives, attack their character, and mock their values. It energizes supporters.” In contrast, the dignity strategy involves “purposely treating the other side with dignity, making your case with facts and numbers, not insults or sneers. It’s about respecting the other side—not necessarily agreeing with every view they hold, but respecting their right to have those views and acknowledging the struggles they face.” Donna Hicks, author of Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict, adds that “a desire for revenge is the instant response to a dignity violation. In other words, when you treat people with contempt, you make enemies for your cause.” Both perspectives emphasize that treating others with respect, even in disagreement, fosters healthier conversations and reduces hostility. It’s not our disagreements that cause division. It’s treating each other with contempt when we disagree. Ruth Bader Ginsburg said, “Fight for the things you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.”

Finally, avoid pressuring others to adopt your beliefs or vote a certain way. Increasingly, we see people on social media, particularly celebrities, threatening to leave the country if the election doesn’t go their way, or declaring that their lives will be ruined by the outcome. Political organizations, such as Move Indigo, work to persuade voters to relocate to specific counties or even states with the goal of shifting the area's political landscape toward a Democratic majority. This kind of behavior is manipulative and emotional blackmail, resembling tactics often used by abusers when they feel they’re losing control. Let's not encourage or promote such irrational conduct. Instead, we should foster a respectful environment where people feel free to make their own choices without coercion.

Family, friends, and neighbors are not fascists, racists, misogynists, Marxists, ignorant, selfish, or trying to take away your First Amendment rights. We are just people who have been misled by the mainstream media, social media algorithms, and sadly politicians, who all fuel division for their own ends.  

We all need to commit to doing better. November 6 marks a fresh opportunity to move past the anger and reconnect as Americans. No matter how upset you are that your candidate lost, commit to looking forward and working with each other. Don’t be the person loudly complaining or the person spiking the ball in the end zone. While we may not be able to change how politicians behave, we have the power to change how we communicate with one another—and that’s the key to healing our divisions. By fostering respectful dialogue, we can begin to bridge the gaps and move forward together. Release the anger and accusations, and let’s return to engaging as reasonable adults.